Bishounen Senshi Sailor Moon
by ChaosTwins
Summary: We got cracky one night and decided to cross Kingdom Hearts with Sailor Moon. This is not a serious story at all. Don't flame us, we laugh too much already. Cross-dressing, AU, and MUCH MUCH CRACK warning.
1. Prologue

Prologue: Bishounen Senshi Sailor Moon

Prologue: Bishounen Senshi Sailor Moon!

Naruke: Alright guys, you must be wondering why we've started on a new story when we haven't even finished the other one. Well this one for one will more then likely be updated faster, cause we will not need to be playing a game to, you know, write this. Also, we are writing a chapter each.

Karuke: To start off, this is an AU. We put this to a test in this story. This is also a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, and there are so many warnings that we'll end up listing them off at the top of the chapter.

Naruke: But the main two that are present in all chapters and will only be said here is that this has yaoi in it. I honestly don't think we have any het in here. I might be lying here, but yeah.

Karuke: The other is there will be cross dressing; no I'm not lying and you'll see when we get there why that's a warning.

Naruke: Alright guys buckle up, there is no turning back now.

(prologue by Naruke)

Long ago people lived in space. Don't ask why or how, we don't know either. There was a kingdom on the moon. This kingdom was headed by Queen Sephiroth. No that wasn't a typo he's just a drag queen, like half the cast is so don't question it. Anyways the Prince of the Earth liked to visit the Princess (to be read as Prince) of the Moon. Apparently they used teleporters and lived in domes filled with oxygen. It was quite amusing really, because these people were so advanced but they dressed like they lived in the Dark Ages. This was also a point to be made here: these people, while so very advanced, lived between the dinosaurs and the rise of the Romans. This, my friends, is the power of AU at work. Anyways, the Prince and the Princess(prince) fell in love. Well, no, not really, it was because the Princess (prince) was just tired of the Prince stalking her. The Earth prince really didn't mind the change in there relationship. As a matter of fact, he rather liked it: now he didn't need a excuse as to why he was in the Princess' (prince's) bathing area watching him shower.

So after a while--this part is filled with awkward dates and bumping uglies--the Prince asked the Princess (prince) to marry him. The Princess (prince) agreed and everyone was happy for a closer bond between the Earth and the Moon. Now both planets could watch and protect the Silver Millennium Heart, it was the crystal that, you know, ran all the planets and brings great power. Anyways, a Royal ball was planned to celebrate the proposal between the Princess (prince) and the Prince. There was a fight or two about where it was going to be held but after a rigged vote, the moon won. Everybody from all the planets were invited to wish the couple luck and such. All the Princesses (princes) from the planets were invited too(well everyone but Pluto cause she's not a planet anymore). They came, mostly for the hot guys that were going to be there (even if they all like each other and were too chicken to admit to it).

It was then that Queen ANSEM attacked. He was so mad that he wasn't invited to the biggest party in the Milky Way; also he wanted the Silver Millennium Heart. They all fought bravely and sealed Queen ANSEM, but it was in vain because before they fought Queen ANSEM cracked the domes. So while they were fighting the oxygen leaked out. By the time Queen ANSEM was knocked out half the people were turning blue from lack of oxygen. So Queen Sephiroth did what any magic being would do: instead of fixing the problem, he sealed their memories and sent them off to a different time. Because of this they were all reborn, thus shattering the Crystal somehow.

I mean, come on, so far they have been reborn about four times. Two of the times the other Princesses (princes) weren't even in sight and one of the two times the Queen was a crazy person bent on taking over the world. The other two times it was in the same life time they all met up but it turns out the Princess (prince) of the moon was the other half of one of the Princesses (prince) and the Prince of Earth died. It was a really big mess and really complex and, you know, filled with plot holes. But that's ok this is AU. This is about when they were able to beat fates evil drum and, you know, break away from it.

Karuke: So that's the prologue. This story takes people (random ones we selected based on how funny they'd look in sailor scout uniforms) from both kingdom hearts games. Not all main characters, either.

Naruke: If you didn't get it, the 4 other lives in the last paragraph were the games FFVII, FFVIII, Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts II.

Karuke: Next up, Episode 1!


	2. Oh Crap A Moon Star Died

Chapter 1:

Chapter 1:

Karuke: Just so everyone knows, we're following the basic storyline of Sailor Moon for this fic, with minor changes here and there. A note about the prices later on in the chapter: it's Japan, so imagine everything being in Yen, rather than in American Dollars. I know I put up a dollar sign, but whatever. Also, last warning on this: there is SO MUCH cross-dressing. I'm going to slowly work on drawing pictures of everyone in, ah, their fic attire to share with you.

Naruke: I'll be helping too. Kori might also help us.

Karuke: It'll be really funny if he draws the cross-dressing guys.

Naruke: Yes it would. Now start the fic.

Karuke: -salutes- Yes ma'am!

(Chapter 1 by Karuke)

_I'm Roxas Tsukino, 14 years old and in eight grade. I'm clumsy and a bit of a crybaby._ Roxas lay in bed, burrowed under the purple comforter patterned with rabbits and moons. He snuggled in deeper and muttered something unintelligible in his sleep. Tiny barrettes shaped like pink bows were scattered throughout his hair, making the already odd spikes stand out at even stranger angles.

"Roxas! It's past eight o'clock!" a voice called from downstairs.

Roxas twitched and sighed, then sat bold upright in bed. "Oh crap!" He made a lunge for the clock but missed where it sat on his bedside table and tumbled flat on his face to the floor. He looked at it from his spot half on and half off the bed. Roxas' yell could be heard throughout the house. "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

He ran past the dining room while slipping on his uniform shirt and came back moments later with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth as he tied the scarf under his collar. "Why didn't you wake me up earlier?!"

His mother was looking over the paper as she replied. "I did. Every time I called you, you answered. Don't you remember?"

Roxas ducked back into what we assume is the bathroom (what's the bathroom doing next to the dining room and the front door in a two-level house?) and spat out his tooth brush. "I don't!" he replied as he ran back up to his room to grab his bag. He tripped halfway up the stairs and tumbled back down to the bottom. Roxas pulled his skirt down off his head and then tried the stairs again. Making it to his room, he came back down and called to his mom. "I'm going!"

"Roxas, honey, wait."

Roxas' head appeared in the doorway to the dining room. "Mom, I'm late!"

"Don't you want your lunch?" she held out his pretty pink bento box, wrapped in a rabbit-and-moon-patterned cloth.

"… yes." He grabbed it and ran out the door. Two blocks away, he turned back and ran back home. There, he slipped on his shoes and started for school again.

Roxas yawned, but as he was passing a parking lot, he saw a group of kids crouched around what might have been a stuffed doll if it hadn't been moving and making feeble noises of distress. "Oi! You kids! Picking on midgets doesn't make you cool!" They were small, and he was big, and they ran away. Roxas crouched in front of the small thing and poked it in the back where it lay curled up in a shaking ball. "You okay?"

The very small girl stood up and brushed off her dark blue daisy dukes. Fluffing up her short hair, she adjusted the incredibly long ponytail in the back and adjusted her white top. She stared at him, and that was when Roxas noticed that she had tiny black cat ears, a tail, and Band-Aids on her forehead. "Aw, did they dress you up? Here, let me help you take those off." He reached for an ear and tugged, but the midget hissed and scratched his hand with her sharp fingernails. "Well, fine then," he huffed, and ripped the bandages off her forehead.

Underneath them was a gold-colored crescent moon. "Oh, awesome tattoo," he said. "Wait. CRAP, I'M LATE!" Roxas was off down the street so fast he left an afterimage. The midget stared after him mysteriously.

"I can't believe they still make kids stand out in the hall…" Roxas sighed, standing out in the hall next to the door of his classroom. His stomach growled. He looked around. "Well, I didn't have breakfast, so…" He put down his bag, reached inside, and pulled out his lunch. "Time to eat!"

"Roxas Tsukino!" said a voice next to him. "WHAT do you think you're doing?!"

Roxas made a face. "I'm hungry…"

"This is why you get such bad grades!" The teacher held out a paper for him to look at.

"Whaaaat?! 30 percent?!" Roxas stared at the red numbers at the top of his test. "Oh man…"

Outside, after school, Roxas sat on a low brick wall around a small garden. His head was on his knees and he was moaning fitfully.

Next to him stood a boy with short blonde hair and a goatee dressed in a girl's uniform. "I can't believe you, Roxas." The boy folded his arms. "Late again, _and_ you were going to eat that early?"

"But I'm a growing boy!" Roxas made a face. "Come on, Luxord, you're my best friend! You understand, don't you?"

Just then, another boy walked up with long dirty blonde hair. He scratched the back of his head idly. "Hey, Roxas, how'd you do on the test?" He was the only one so far to be wearing a boy's uniform.

"Teeeeeest…." Roxas moaned.

"Come on, Vexen, if he's this depressed, then he obviously did bad…"

Roxas sobbed quietly into his knees.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Did that hurt?"

"You don't have to be so depressed," Vexen said, fishing around in his pocket and pulling out a piece of paper. "I didn't do perfect either, because I didn't really try." He held it out and showed off the '95' written on the top of the paper. "Tests are like games. If you fail, you die."

"Wait, what?" asked Luxord. "That made no sense."

"Science will save us all."

"I don't get it…" Roxas groaned. He was still trying to figure out how he was doing so badly on the tests.

"Oh! Did you hear? Sailor C appeared again!" said Luxord, trying to get Roxas' mind off his epic failure of the test. I mean, Luxord was about as smart as a brick, and even he had managed to scrape by with a passing grade.

"Sailor C?" asked Roxas, sitting up.

"Yeah! He caught the thieves from the jewelry heist!"

"Cool!"

"Isn't it awesome?"

"What's a Sailor C?" asked Roxas suddenly.

"…" Luxord's eye twitched. "Don't be so impressed if you don't know who he is!"

Vexen leaned in close and put up a hand next to his mouth in a secretive manner. "Sailor C is a hero in a school uniform that's been causing an uproar lately," he explained. "There are rumors that he's a special agent for the police!"

"Oh, wow, there are those kind of people now?"

"Yeah, but… Gems are so pretty!" Luxord gushed, putting a hand on his cheek and waving the other one. "I can see why someone would want to steal them…"

Roxas did the same thing. "I know… I want a diamond keyblade…"

"…Keyblade?" Vexen blinked.

"I meant to say ring. I don't know why keyblade came out."

"…right. But I want ruby earrings!" continued Luxord. "Oh, I know! Our jewelry store had a sale that started yesterday. Let's go take a look! They'll have rings and stuff even _we_ can afford!"

"Yeah! Let's go, Luxord!"

Vexen watched as Luxord and Roxas linked arms, grabbed their bags, and headed off for the jewelry store in question. His eye twitched just slightly.

Elsewhere, in a dark place with a creepy pillar that looked like a giant demonic face…

A man with long silver hair wearing a strapless dark blue dress sat in an evil looking throne caressing a crystal ball that was floating in midair in front of him. "Have you found the Millennium Crystal yet?"

"No, my Queen," replied several voices.

"Yeah, well, this chick back here," he said, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the creepy pillar-face, "wants a lot of energy. So let's feed her some human energy since you guys FAIL COMPLETELY at finding the Crystal."

"Queen Ansem," said a voice, and a man in a long black cloak appeared. He had blonde hair that was spiked up into a sort of mohawk with long bangs and bits left straight in the back. "Leave it to me, Demyx. My demon is already collecting human energy."

"Then I'll leave it to you, Demyx."

The jewelry store that Roxas and Luxord walked into was packed. Like, people everywhere. Riots were started, and now police officers were everywhere to manage the ravening crowd.

"Wow." Luxord looked around. "I don't think we've ever been this busy before."

"Must be some sale," replied Roxas, eyeing up one of the younger officers.

"Come on in, come in! Everything is on sale! Welcome, feel free to try anything on!" A woman with a yellow megaphone was yelling over the noise of the hoard.

"Mom sure is getting into it," said Luxord, staring at her in plain wonder.

"Maybe… maybe she's inspired?"

"Inspired? By what?"

Roxas shrugged.

"Silly humans!" said Luxord's mother, who had forgotten to take the megaphone away from her mouth when she was trying to speak evilly. People around her stopped and stared. "Uh… For today only, take an additional five percent off the sale price when you spend over 600!"

The crowd was appeased. Suddenly, the jewels started to glow, and no one seemed to notice.

Elsewhere, back at the creepy dark place, Demyx was holding out his hand, where a ball of white misty stuff was forming for no apparent reason. He laughed evilly, choked on the gum he was chewing, and swallowed it accidentally. "Oh crap. That was my last piece, too… You don't get Evil flavored gum in this backwater part of the universe. Damn. Hey, evil demon lady that is under my command! Collect more energy! I'm working on commission here!"

"Yes, Lord Demyx," said Luxord's mother evilly. She had remembered to pull the megaphone away from her mouth this time.

"Mama!" said Luxord, walking up behind her with Roxas.

"Oh, welcome home, Luxord!" DemonMom replied.

"I brought a friend. This is Roxas."

"Nice to meet you, Roxas! Please feel free to look around. Oh, I know! Since you're a friend of Luxord's, I'll give you a special discount!"

Roxas' eyes got wide. "Wow, really? Cool!"

"Here, how about this?" DemonMom showed off a ring. "It's normally 500,00… but for you, I'll lower it to 30,000!"

"Whaaaat?!" Luxord and Roxas chorused. "500,000 to 30,000?!"

They were knocked aside by a short, fat woman who was already bedecked in some very tacky jewelry. "I'll take it!" she grunted. Very suddenly, there was a mass hoard of screaming women around DemonMom, and Luxord and Roxas had to crawl out of the center of it on their hands and knees.

"Oh man, I am so broke…." Roxas moaned.

"Ask your dad," Luxord suggested.

"But I failed my test…"

"Oh, right." Luxord put his hand on Roxas' shoulder sympathetically. "Be strong, Roxas."

Roxas left the store at that point. No use tempting himself into theft by staying there longer. "Oh man, this sucks…" Roxas pulled out his test again to look over it. With a cry of despair, he crumpled it into a ball and threw it behind him carelessly.

It was very lucky for Roxas that it hit someone on the head and they caught it, because littering fines were heavy in his town. "Hey, that hurts."

Roxas spun around. "Oh, sorr-"

The red-haired man was looking over his sunglasses at the test. "Thirty percent?"

"It's none of your business!" Roxas tried to rip the paper out of his hand and left half of it behind. With another swipe, he had both pieces of his test. He made a face, stuck out his tongue, and walked away. "What a jerk!" he said to himself.

On the way home, he walked by the arcade. He continued walking for a minute, stopped, and took a few steps back. "A new Sailor C video game? They made a game already? Wow, it must be cool to be Sailor C. He doesn't have to worry about tests, and he gets to run around in that really cute outfit and fight crime…" Roxas sighed and looked at his test. "I don't want to bring this home…."

From behind a nearby sign, the short girl with the cat ears watched him intently. As Roxas walked towards his home, crying all the way, the girl stepped out from behind the sign. "Roxas Tsukino… I finally found you!" she said to herself.

"Roxas!" said his mother when he arrived home. "You're late."

"Yeah, uh… just a little." Roxas tried nervously to sidestep to the stairs. Maybe he could make a mad dash for his room…

"I ran into Vexen earlier," said Mom with a smile, her short brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and a pancake flipper in her hand. "He said you got your tests back."

"…" Roxas could tell where this was going.

"He also said that he got a 95."

Roxas' eye twitched. "Oh, really? That's… so amazing."

"What did you get?" Mom smiled the smile that only mothers promising imminent death can smile.

"Um, well, you see, about that, uh…"

Mom held out her hand. "Let me see it."

"…." Roxas sighed. "Here."

Looking over the paper, Mom's imminent-death-smile grew larger. "You want to stay in MY HOUSE with grades like THIS?!" Roxas took a step back as Mom advanced. "NO WAY. OUT! GET OUT! GO STUDY SOMEWHERE!" The front door opened, Roxas was thrown out on his ass, and the door was closed again.

"But Moooom…!"

"I can't hear you!" came the response.

Roxas sat there pouting on the doorstep when suddenly he was kicked from behind. "Owwwww!"

"Hey, why are you sitting out here?" The boy behind Roxas was younger with dark blonde hair. "Did you get kicked out again?" He made a face. "I want a better brother."

"Hey! You're my little brother!" Roxas frowned.

The boy ducked inside, pausing to stick his tongue out at Roxas.

"Sailor C… kick!" Roxas' knee connected solidly with the door as his brother closed it. "…" tears began to well up in his eyes. "OOOWWWWW!"

Back at Luxord's family's jewelry shop, people were randomly fainting for no apparent reason. And, rather then doing the smart thing and calling for an ambulance, Luxord looked to his mother for help. "Mama?"

"Yes… plenty of energy…" DemonMom muttered.

"…Mama?"

DemonMom turned around slowly to reveal that someone had put some strange green makeup on her, and her eyes had suddenly enlarged to half the size of her head. Luxord did what any good child would do and screamed.

"Oh man. So tired." Roxas flopped on his bed and sighed. "I can't believe that mom kicked me out just because I failed another test! I think I deserve a na—" but Roxas didn't finish his sentence, because he'd fallen asleep.

"Oh, Axel… say that agaAAH!" Roxas sat up hastily and rubbed his head where the midget with cat ears had jumped on it. She sat calmly at the foot of his bed with a twitching tail.

"Wake up, you dolt. Your friend is in trouble."

"Wait. What the hell?"

"My name is Yuna. Here, um…" the girl flipped her short brown hair and looked around. Jumping over to his desk, she grabbed a small stuffed hello kitty. She looked at it for a minute, then did a strange sparkly flip back over to his bed. The hello kitty had shrunk and sprouted a chain. "You'll need this."

"I am sooo confused. Oh my god. This must be a dream." Roxas was too busy freaking out to pay any attention.

"SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!" Yuna glared at him. "Now sit down and listen to me." Roxas did as he was told. "Okay. Here's the short version. You're Sailor Moon. I need you to go find the other sailor scouts so we can save the Moon Princess. You r job is to protect her! YOU MUST NOT BE AFRAID. Don't stop walking."

"Wait, that sounds familiar."

"SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME TALK."

"Sorry."

"Anyway. So, hold that thing in your hand and repeat after me-"

"What, the kitty thing?"

"Yes. Repeat after me: Moon Prism Power!"

Roxas blinked. "Moon prism power?" And then the room was GLOWINGWOWOMGWTF. Roxas did some pretty twirly things, stripped, and started growing ribbons. They turned into a bodysuit somehow. We're not entirely sure how that works, but it totally does. And then there were more ribbons, and he had a skirt. A blue one. Right. And he got nail polish that was promptly covered with whore gloves. And he got knee-high red boots. Plus some hair extensions. They were long and done up on his head kind of like meatballs. He got some freaky red things on his hair and some forehead protector thing that they will tell you is a tiara. They're lying. It's costume jewelry because Roxas wanted to feel pretty.

ANYWAY.

Roxas stood in his room and looked at himself in the mirror. "I am HOT."

"No. No you aren't. So you believe me now, right?"

"No. Like, I kind of want to be Sailor C only TOTALLY NOT OMG I CAN'T DO THIS!!"

Yuna jumped up and pimp-slapped Roxas. "SHUT UP AND GO SAVE YOUR FRIEND."

"Wait, I have friends?" On cue, Roxas' freaky red hair things started glowing and he heard a gruff male voice crying for help like a little baby. "Oh, you meant Luxord. Nah, he's not my friend."

"SAVE HIM ANYWAY, YOU IDIOT."

"Do I have to?"

"YES. GO. NOW."

Elsewhere…

Luxord was still screaming in terror of his mom, even though he'd started screaming about four hours previously. DemonMom finally got a hand around his neck and strangle--I mean, sucked his energy out. It took long enough.

"Hey!"

"Oh, come on!" DemonMom turned around to look at the door. "We're closed, people! Sale's over! Jeeze!"

"Let Luxord go, you Freaky Fish Guy!"

"I am NOT a Freaky Fish Guy!"

"Well, I AM Sailor Moon, and in the name of the Moon, I will Puni--AAAAAAAAH!" Roxas fell out of the window he had been standing in and landed on his face. Hard. "Owwwwwww That freaking hurt!"

"…. You're a clutz."

"Shut up, Freaky Fish Guy!"

"STOP TRASH TALKING AND USE THE TIARA!"

"What?" Roxas pulled the costume Jewelry off his head and looked at it. "How I use this?"

"Throw it, you moron," came a cool voice from the window Roxas had fallen out of. There was a guy with red hair standing there in a tuxedo with a top hat and a mask.

"Oh. Okay." Roxas heaved the tiara at DemonMom and said, "Moon Tiara Magic! Kill the evil Freaky Fish Guy!"

"I am NOT a Freaky Fish Gu—AAAAAH!" DemonMom disintegrated.

"Oh crap, I just saved the world."

"No you didn't. What the hell are you thinking? Now get the hell out of here before the cops come!" Yuna was sprinting out the door.

"So, wait, but who are you?" Roxas was looking up at the dude in the window.

"Call me Tuxedo Mask." He threw something that was glowing brightly at Roxas, who stepped aside and stared at it.

It was a match. A long match. A long, _lit_ match just kind of chilling there in the floor. Tile floor. How the hell did a wooden match pierce a tile floor? But Tuxedo Dude was gone, and Roxas could here sirens approaching.

Back home…

"So, uh, how do I _un_-transform?" Roxas asked, staring at his uniform.

"…" Yuna looked at him from her place on the heater. "Magic."


End file.
